Day 51

Hate hate hate..

Day 39 was even worse than Day 38, and I've been hovering in a haze of unwellness ever since. I only took Days 38 and 39 off work though. I have goodish days, but mainly lots of bad days.

The worst thing is the mental cloudiness - until today, I've managed to keep it all together by applying double the effort to reach a normal standard of intelligence (unfortunately, brain power is needed for my job as a Business Analyst).

Today, though, the wheels fell off the cart. I had to conduct an impact assessment analysis, and for some reason, when doing my calculations, I read 1.7 million to be 17 million. Which obviously stuffed up my results. Which I proceeded to innocently distribute to my contacts, impressing them all with my stupidity.

When the Project Manager pointed out my error (cringe!) I tried to recalculate, only to realise that my brain didn't seem to know how to write 1 700 000. At which point I had to phone a friend to ask how to write it. QUADRUPLE CRINGE!! (Sandi, I hope you aren't reading this, o victim of my dodgy impact assessment!)

Anyways, I'm sick of this shit. Surely 8.5yrs of mental humiliation is enough for anyone, particularly on this side of 80?

I can only hope that this is the mental cloudiness' "last hurrah". I'm still not getting the mood swings, so hopefully we are progressing..kind of...some how?

Hate hate hate!

Day 38

Wow, that’s the last time I ask you to keep your fingers crossed from me!

Within 24 hours of my last post, I was really quite sick again – massive nausea (but weirdly, no vomiting), exhaustion, mental fogginess and bloating.

I’ve been falling into deep sleeps on the commute to and from work, and then again as soon as I arrive home in the evening. My stomach feels like its permanently churning acid, and my brain has gone AWOL. You know that ‘brain blank’ feeling you get when you are just randomly staring at something? That’s me, 24/7.

I’ve kept on truckin’ regardless – I’ve had 8.5 yrs of gritting my teeth through this kinda thing, so there was no reason to fly the white flag of surrender. Until, that is, I started getting teary. I don’t know why this happens, its like my body is so used to physical challenges that my brain doesn’t listen to it anymore – so when things get too much, my body ‘dobs’ to my emotions, who get themselves involved to force my brain to realise that I’ve had enough. Phew – did that make sense?!

Anyways, I’m not sure how I feel about this bout of sickness. I don’t know the cause; is it ‘Round 2’ of the Good vs Evil bacteria, or is it just my body rebelling against the build up of high fibre foods? The symptoms are almost identical.

I’m leaning towards the Good vs Evil theory, because I don’t have mood swings, and also, the 1.5 hr naps in the evening are very unlike me, regardless of exhaustion.

Because of this, I decided yesterday that I should be out there proactively supporting the Good bacteria – go team!! To increase my fibre intake, I bought some rye bread with multigrain (each slice has 20% of an adult’s daily fibre intake), and Weight Watchers baked beans (that brand had the least amount of sauce).

I felt slightly better after eating these last night, but that may be psychological, as I’d already decided not to go to work today, so I didn’t have the additional stress of trying to ‘push’ myself to get on with daily life.

I had some more baked beans and rye bread this morning, and am still feeling slightly better, but who wouldn’t after 3.5 hrs worth of naps and 12 hour overnight sleep in the last 24 hours?!

In any case, I think that’s enough baked beans and rye bread for at least a week – I’ve gotta try and balance helping the Good guys, with minimising any irritation to my gut through dietary changes.

Some friends have commented that I must be really frustrated by the lack of ‘knowing’ what’s going on. It is frustrating, but probably not as much as they’d expect. After all, I’ve been ‘not knowing’ for years, and at least now there’s a chance of light at the end of the tunnel, which is more than I can say for the first 7.5 years of this shitfight (no pun intended).

Had to go to the doctor’s today to get a sick certificate – it was quite funny actually. My normal doctor has left the practice, so I saw a new guy. I bought along my ‘HPI Patient Protocol’ booklet, so he’d know I wasn’t making things up (hmmm…there are those trust issues again!).

He well and truly believed me though – you should have seen his eyes fly open in shock when I explained I had undergone poo transplants! Then he tried to play it cool, though – pity he ruined it all by asking to keep Prof Borody’s business card!

Anyways, just writing this has drained me, so I’m off to stare off into space for a while. Good night!

Day 30

Hello! *waves* I'm still alive!

Really, though, you could be excused for suspecting I wasn't - it's been far too long between updates.

But, in the two-and-a-bit weeks since my last poo transplant, I haven't had any further improvements, despite J's comment that by the end of Week 2, most patients are looking healthier and less drawn. And that kinda worries me, so I'm not focussing much on how things are progressing. (I'm only coming online because so many people have been asking for updates.)

The only positive I can come up with, is that even in my first week back at work, I wasn't anywhere near as tired as I had been during treatment.

I can only hope that I'm a 'late bloomer', due to the low levels of fibre in my diet (and yes, my body is responding as it did pre-treatment to the few new meals I've introduced).

Keep your fingers crossed for me!